Hope leads to disappointment

I got to thinking about a friend recently, and all the times I parroted the standard “Mormon comfort” line to her. You know the one; “just have faith that the things you’re working so hard for will happen when you least expect them, and sooner than you think.” It’s the one I always hear when things are going badly, and when I try to open up to someone about how I never seem to find those blessings they all told me would happen. No matter what’s wrong, we’re only told that we have to work harder and be more patient and we’ll get the blessings that are handed to others who don’t work or wait for them at all. They’re always promised to be just around the next corner, no matter how many corners we’ve turned without finding them since the last time someone said that.
It’s really hard to have to apologize for saying that when you’re standing over the casket of a wonderful young lady who wanted nothing more than to find her eternal companion and raise a family in the Gospel. She was barely into her mid 30s when she passed unexpectedly of a heart attack.
We’d gone out a few times, though we lived so far apart that I wasn’t able to see her often enough for anything I would have called a relationship. A mutual friend who lived closer had taken an interest in her, and I was hoping they would work out, so she could finally have what she wanted and what she so fully deserved. Unfortunately, she passed before they got anywhere near that point.
Maybe I screwed it up. Maybe I was supposed to be the companion she was waiting for. I certainly couldn’t ask for a woman with a more caring, compassionate, faithful heart, even if it wasn’t so good at maintaining a steady rhythm. I know we both wanted the same things in life, and we had a lot more in common than anyone else knew. I know that I love her, and while I pray that she will have all those blessings on the other side, I have to agree with some of the commenters over at Wheat and Tares, in that I reject the notion that for some of us, mortal existence is just a placeholder where we exist only to serve the luckier ones until it’s time for us to die and finally get to receive some of that joy.


Think about what you’re saying…again

Maybe it’s just my area, but I do get tired of the people who essentially tell me that I need to abandon myself to be worthy of anything.  Most of it boils down to finances, too; even though I’m currently making as much as I was able to support a family of three on, it’s not enough for “real Mormon” standards.  Though the proclamation states a man should provide “the necessities of life and protection,” some people’s definition of “necessities” is downright ridiculous; there are families living far more happily in rented singlewides than many of these “good Mormon” families in their houses that cost more than I make in 10 years, because those happy families don’t compromise their values for money and material goods.

Thus, according to these people, (who, BTW, include my previous bishop, EQP, and Sunday School President) I should move away to find a better job (meaning I’d see my kids maybe one day a month at most) and/or bend the truth about my qualifications to improve my income.  Apparently, being “poor” (by their standards) is a bigger sin than lying or neglecting family.

Really, the takeaway for me, is that I can’t be worthy, but I could pretend to be someone who is by compromising my morals.