Talking to a few of the other LDS single men out there, I’ve find that my situation is disturbingly common; adult convert, divorced prior to conversion, not particularly tall, athletic or wealthy.
Now, I’ve been told by some unbiased sources that I’m not unattractive, and indeed, when I try the regular (non-LDS) singles scene, I rarely have any difficulty getting and maintaining the attention of the best looking woman in the group. Hard to be sure, given the Law of Chastity, but I know at least a few of those cases, I could have taken her home just for the asking.
In the Church, however, it’s a whole different game. Next weekend will mark a full year without a first date with any LDS woman. Not for lack of trying, either; I’ve been turned down, cancelled on our stood up over 70 times since then.
So, what is it that is such a barrier?
Divorced: believe it or not, there are 35+ year old women out there still looking for a virgin. Not a socially awkward one either, but an attractive, confident guy who has managed not get married or to have sex yet.
Adult convert: I converted after my divorce, with children, so I never went to Primary, didn’t serve a mission, etc. I’ve had more than one woman tell me that I couldn’t live up to her standards because I wasn’t born and raised in the Church.
Non-RM: see above. Never mind that she married an abusive, cheating RM before, somehow she’s sure this requirement will guarantee a good one next time.
Not wealthy: come on ladies, “what do you do for a living?” is a fine pre-first-date question. “How much do you make?” before you even get to last names is a sure sign of a gold digger.
Renter: yep; not only turned down, but flat out told I’m incapable of being worthy to court any good woman because I don’t own my home. Apparently a rented house doesn’t fulfill the “necessities of life and protection” as some women see it. (Or, more likely, they’re looking for someone they can take half the equity from in the divorce that’s inevitable when one partner is using a criteria list like this instead of looking at things like personality and how he treats her on a date.)